Adopted
by Turn Back Now
Summary: Gay foster parents, a half-sheep uncle, a detective and his serial killer boyfriend, and a gun with a rainbow trigger. No, this girl's life isn't weird at all.
1. A crazy ass introduction to my life

I doubt that anyone will be interested or anything, but… uh… here you go I guess…

(I don't own Death Note)

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I woke up one morning in a nice mood. That was probably because there was no school today and I slept in really late (4:27 PM… What, I didn't get to sleep until 9:52!), so I got a lot of rest, even if I was a little hungry…

I stood up and looked in the mirror on my door. Same as always, no miraculous change in my appearance, I still looked like a twelve year old girl with short garnet hair, blue eyes, and Kingdom Hearts pajamas. Getting dressed this morning was a difficult task, because of a simple problem that every girl in the world has or will encounter in their lives. "What am I going to wear today?" I finally settled on a plain pair of jeans and a black T-shirt that said, 'Of course I can fly, I just land fast.'

I walked through my adopted parents apartment and flopped lazily onto one of the black leather sofa. I turned my head to the right to see two men frenching each other on the other couch. That would've been unusual, except for the fact that those were my parents. Yeah, they're gay, but who cares? But if you call Mom gay to his face, he'll shoot your head off. He's in denial. (At least in public)

I cleared my throat, but neither of them noticed me, they just kept making out. This was gonna take a while.

The one wearing all leather with long blond hair and the chocolate bar is Mom. I call him Mom because he always has to dress up like a girl when we go in public, besides, he's the only one who could pull it off. He also works in the mafia. Sometimes Mom has anger issues, like when somebody mistakes him for a girl, when people eat his chocolate, or when Dad won't stop playing videogames and pay attention to him. It's like PMS, only never ending.

The guy with the red hair, goggles, and the striped shirt is my Dad. People actually think I'm his daughter when we go shopping and stuff, I look so much like him. There's not much to know about him, but he's always playing videogames. He smokes sometimes too. Dad is the one that always has to go out to get Mom more chocolate. His personality is the opposite of Mom's, he's more laidback and willing to do whatever crazy schemes to beat Uncle Near that he cooks up.

Speaking of cooking, neither of them can. We always have it delivered, go out to eat, or pray to whatever god is out there that the food doesn't blow up again when we try to make it. The last time any of us had food from home that actually turned out edible was when Mom invited Uncle L and his boyfriend Beyond Birthday over and his butler Watari made us dinner. Beyond had told me he was a serial killer, and when I ran to Mom, Dad, and Uncle L, they said it was true. I ended up being his friend somehow.

"Hey, child in the room!" I called, but, as usual, getting no response.

Let me explain who I am and why I'm even here in the first place. My name is Rikay, and I've had so many last names that I don't even bother with them anymore. My real family died in a fire. I kind of don't like talking about it, so don't get your hopes up. My current parents were the first ones who actually could handle me, seeing as I accidentally/purposely got kicked out of four other homes. I remember grinning while the caretaker drove me back.

"Mom." I called, hearing my stomach rumble slightly. They (Finally!) broke apart and Mom laid his head on Dad's shoulder. "Yeah, Ri-chan?" He asked.

"What are we doing for dinner tonight?" I inquired. He thought for a moment. "Matt, what do you want tonight?" Dad grinned suggestively.

"I meant for dinner."

He frowned. "Oh… well… whatever you want. But _no_ chocolate this time." Mom and I groaned in unison. "How about Taco Bell?" I proposed. Dad shrugged. "Sounds okay."

"Great, now that that's settled, Matty, go buy me some chocolate." Mom commanded cheerily. Dad sighed and headed toward the door, snagging his Pokémon wallet from the table next to it as he went. When the door swung shut, Mom and I grinned. "Commence Operation: No Smokey." He said. I nodded. We ran to their room and Mom took out a cardboard box.

"Alright, find all the cigarettes you can and put them in here." We started searching all over the room.

Fifteen minutes later, the box was almost full.

"Do you think that's it?" I panted.

Mom nodded, exhausted. "Let's get rid of this before your Dad comes home." He picked up the box and we walked out the door and to the dumpster. When we got back to the apartment, Mom spoke up. "He doesn't have any cigarettes with him… I took care of that." He smirked. "You still know where the supplies for Plan B are, right?" I nodded, sitting on the couch and turning the TV to the Food Channel.

Just in time, Dad opened the door, a stack of cardboard boxes covering his face. "Hey, what's up?" He grunted under the weight of the chocolate.

"Nothing." Mom said, not a trace of any sort of emotion in his voice. Dad sat the heavy cargo down and went to his and Mom's room. Mom greedily ripped open one of the boxes and unwrapped a chocolate bar faster than you could say his name.

Loud shuffling that sounded like somebody was digging through the room franticly was heard from the direction of the hall. Mom smirked and tossed me a chocolate bar. "Well this is a first." I giggled, tearing open the wrapper and taking a bite. Mom never shares his chocolate with _anyone_. "Well right now, it's a special occasion." The smirk turned into a grin as Dad came running into the room.

"Where are my cigs?"

It took all my knowledge of how to act, which was _quite_ a lot, not to start laughing. "What are you talking about? Didn't you buy some yesterday?" Mom questioned convincingly. "Yeah, he did, I was there, remember?" I said. Dad looked like he was going to tear out his hair. "I _need_ them! You know how Mello gets when he doesn't have chocolate? That's me, only _ten times worse_!" He shouted. Mom looked at me.

"Rikay, time for Plan B." I nodded. Mom took his hand and pulled him to the couch, pinning him down. "Quick, get the stuff!" He yelled. I ran to a supply closet and grabbed a roll of duct tape.

"I got it!" I called as I ran back.

A long while later, after the surprisingly difficult challenge of trying to tape Dad to a chair, we finally got him.

"Mmmrph!" He tried to scream, but his mouth was taped shut.

Mom and I did a high-five and grinned. "That was fun." I commented. Mom giggled and gave Dad a peck on the forehead. He let out another yell, quieted by the piece of tape. I suddenly remembered something when my stomach growled again.

"Mom, weren't we going to get Taco bell or something?" I asked.

He paused. "Oh damn. I'm going to have to use the girl disguise again." He said sadly. I smirked and opened the supply closet again, pulled out a small box, and went back to Mom, who groaned.

Twenty minutes later, Mom was wearing a pink T-shirt and blue jeans with black high heels. He was also had on bluish eye shadow, black mascara and eyeliner, and a light red lipstick, courtesy of yours truly. He even wore a bra stuffed with tissues. I examined my masterpiece and grinned. "Okay, time to go." I giggled. He huffed and picked up the black leather purse I set on the couch.

A muffled cry came from behind us. Mom turned around. "Don't worry Matty, we'll be home in about a half hour. You can just think of how much you love us until then." With that, we walked out the door.


	2. Burning cars, the mall, and an OH SHIT!

Chapter two. I'm prepared to dodge thrown objects.

Once again, I don't own Death Note.

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"Ooh! Mommy, can we go to the mall too?" I asked eagerly as we went down the apartment stairs.

"Maybe." He answered absently. We came to a stop in front of the motorcycle for some reason.. Mom looked at me. "We should probably take the car…" I nodded and we made our way to Dad's red camero.

"Can I drive?" I asked, making the sweetest puppy eyes I could. Mom just gave me a look that plainly said no.

As he drove us, I randomly rambled on about what kind of tacos we should get, and somehow that led to me talking about Kingdom Hearts, and that somehow led to a rant about how many people thought I was a pyromaniac. "I'm obviously not a p—Oh my gosh! Look! That car's on fire!" I squealed happily, pointing out the window. Mom stopped the car and looked where I was gesturing to. Sure enough, he found that I was right.

The back of a black car was burning, and there were two oddly familiar men standing around it, along with several fire fighters. "Hey Mom, isn't that Uncle L over there?" I inquired. He squinted.

"Hey, you're right!" We ran out of the car as fast as we could to them.

"Uncle L! Uncle L!" I cried, wrapping my arms around him. "Ri-chan, when did you get here?" He wondered, returning the hug. "I don't know, Mom and I were going to Taco Bell… How'd your car catch on fire?" I asked curiously.

He sighed. "Ask Mr. Look-what-I-cha-do-with-a-lighter!" He said, jabbing a thumb in his serial killer of a boyfriend's direction. The fire department was currently trying to put out the fire.

"What'd you do this time BB-kinz?" I chuckled.

Beyond shrugged cheerfully. "I don't know, I was just messing around with a lighter and suddenly… BOOM!" He waved his arms around for emphasis. "We got out just in time." L mumbled. I giggled and watched the flames dance on the top of the car. In the background, I heard Mom say, "Only Rikay would laugh at a burning car…"

The fire department was having a bit of trouble with the fire over there, not that any of us did anything about to help.

Mom seemed to remember something all of the sudden. "Rikay, why don't you tell Uncle L why you got detention yesterday?" I gulped.

The fire on the car didn't seem to want to go out, I noticed.

"Well, you see… I… kind of… well… I…" I stuttered, then sighed. "I kicked a guy somewhere that hurts _really_ bad." I muttered. Mom stared at me disappointedly and Beyond had to stifle his laughter. Uncle L was having a bit of trouble hiding his amusement, too. "Why?" He asked shakily. I sighed again.

The fire on the car kept getting bigger, I saw as I glanced at it.

"He was being a bastard to my friend, Lacey, and when I told him to cut it out, he started being a jackass about it and talking shit about Lacey and I, so I thought he needed to be taught a little… lesson..." I explained uncertainly. Uncle L glanced at Mom. "And you let her talk like that?" The flames on the car were spreading to the grass growing between the cracks in the sidewalk.

Mom shifted uncomfortably. "So?" He crossed his arms and looked away. Beyond couldn't hide his laughter anymore and bust out in hysterics, falling to the ground and wiping tears from his eyes. I smirked, but that disappeared as soon as I saw Mom's expression.

"You know Matty and I have to go to a Parent/Teacher Conference on Monday, and you have to come with us." He said.

Putting on a 'flawless' act of pain and suffering, I dropped to the ground dramatically, clutching my heart with one hand and raised my other hand and waving it around. Unfortunately, Mom just sighed and told me to get up. "I'll never know how you can always see though that one." I muttered sarcastically.

After we finished talking to them, we went and drove to Taco Bell, leaving them to deal with the ever-growing bonfire sitting on the top of their car. I wanted to go inside the restaurant, but Mom refused to. It's kind of obvious why.

As we drove back, we passed the mall, causing me to get really excited and beg if we could go in. He gave me that 'no' look again. Until, that is, I said one sentence.

"There's a candy store with an entire section _just_ for chocolate." The brakes screeched as we came to a stop, and suddenly we were speeding toward the mall. I grinned smugly as we walked, well, more like _ran_ inside. Mom used his 'super chocolate detecting skills' to immediately find the specific shop I was talking about.

His 'super chocolate detecting skills' were obviously shining through when he stopped a few times along the way to look at the large maps of the mall on some of the walls.

Seeing Mom with his face pressed up against the glass like a little kid was really amusing. I took this chance to ask for some money, which he gave to me, distracted by the glorious chocolate. I skipped to the closest Hot Topic I could find and bought myself two pairs of fingerless gloves, three colorful pairs of knee-high striped socks, and a spiked black bracelet with a matching choker.

I passed a toy store as I walked back to where I had left Mom, and something caught my eye. "Uncle Near?" I muttered to myself, doing a double take.

Sure enough, it was the white-wearing, toy-loving albino himself. "Uncle Near!" I repeated, but louder. He looked up. "Hello Rikay. Where's Mello?" He asked as I approached him. I cocked my head. "How'd you know Mom took me here?" I asked. Uncle Near shrugged.

"Simple. Matt doesn't get distracted easily unless there's videogames, so he wouldn't get you the money to do that. There's a game store right across from here, so I would've seen him, and besides, he's too protective of you to let you go around by yourself, which also rules out the possibility of you coming here without any adult supervision." He explained, causing my eye to twitch from all the words.

"I guess that makes sense…" I murmured.

"You didn't answer me." Uncle Near said.

I looked at him like an idiot for a moment then remembered. "Oh yeah! Mom's in the candy shop, staring at the chocolate." I said. Suddenly, as if on cue, a large _BANG!_ and several people shouting was heard. I looked back at Uncle Near and laughed nervously. "Well, he _was_…" I said, then ran off to go see what happened.

"Mom, what the hell did you do?" I asked as I ran into the store. He was struggling against several security guards and yelling his head off.

"Let me go right now!" He screamed. I saw his favorite gun (The one with the rainbow painted trigger) lying on the floor and I rolled my eyes. One of the security guards recognized me. "Oh, hey Rikay!" He said cheerfully. I grinned.

"Larry! How've you been?" I asked. "Great! By the way, this lady with you?" Larry inquired. I nodded. "Don't you recognize him? That's my mom, you know, Mello?" I gestured to him.

Larry looked at me dumbly and then back to Mom. "Oh! Mells, I didn't realize it was you! It's okay Drew, let him go." He said to the other security guard. Mom stumbled to the ground before picking himself off and dusting off his shoulders. "Hrmph." He said, crossing his arms and turning away. "I just wanted the chocolate."

"Sorry Mells, I really didn't recognize you in that outfit." Larry apologized. Mom just glared.

"Here, you know what, just to make it up to you, have some chocolate on the house." Larry offered.

Mom turned around, eyes shining. "Really? Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!" He cried. I chuckled when I finally noticed the giant hole in the glass of the chocolate container thingy. "Nice job Mommy." I rolled my eyes, grabbing his hand and dragging him out of the mall.

As we drove back, something crossed my mind. Something important. My eyes widened and I gasped. "Mom. We forgot about Dad." He turned toward me, mouth open wide. "Oh god. He's gonna be so pissed. How long has it been?" He asked nervously.

I calculated how long we'd been gone in my head as fast as I could, then it my lip. "An hour…" I whispered.

"Oh shit…" We muttered in unison.


	3. Policemen Houdinis and Stalkers Oh my!

**With all the crap going on, I've nearly forgotten about my story Adopted! Poor Rikay was sitting in the back of my word documents with all the other lonely stories. I could've either left it like it was, or actually stop procrastinating and finish it! There, happy? I wrote a god damned third chapter. *Sigh* I listened to the Owl City album Ocean Eyes like, 50 million times while I was writing this. And I can't believe it took doing all of my homework, cleaning my entire room, organizing all of my manga by alphabetical order, taking all my damn clothes out of the drawer and refolding them for this to even cross my mind. Wow, I made it sound like I have OCD there, didn't I? But I don't. Trust me. That old hobo digging through the McDonalds garbage is 10x more OCD than I am.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything mentioned in the story (Besides Rikay, she's mine), and I don't own Death Note. If I owned Death Note, there'd be a major twist before *SPOILER* L dies *SPOILER OVER* where Light realizes how fucked up his plan for the world is and realizes how much he loves L, and then gives the Death Note away to Matsuda, who becomes an even better Kira than Light was, and kills off Aizawa's afro! MUAHAHAHAHA!!! Woah… got a little off track there…**

**So yeah, where we left off like, five months ago, Melly-kinz was cross-dressing and he and his adorable little adopted daughter Rikay left Matt tied up in the house for an hour after promising to be back in 30 minutes because they got distracted by burning cars, chocolate shops, Hot Topic, and things of that nature. Now they're driving back home as fast as physically possible because they're doomed. *Bum bum buuuum!!!!* Now on with the story!**

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_SHORT RECAP_

_I calculated how long we'd been gone in my head as fast as I could, then it my lip. "An hour…" I whispered._

"_Oh shit…" We muttered in unison._

-

"FLOOR IT MOM!" I shouted, arms flailing. Oh god, Dad was gonna be so pissed.

Mom slammed on the acceleration and we were speeding through the streets, weaving in and out of cars. And then we heard that tell-tale sound of police sirens. He swore under his breath and slowed down, pulling over at the side of the road. "Ri-chan, hand me my gun." He hissed, eyes closed.

I shook my head. "Sorry Mom, not gonna let you get arrested this time. We gotta make it home fast, remember? Not a good time to go to jail." I said before he rolled down the window.

A handsome young man in a blue uniform strolled over to the side of the car and looked at us. "I'm going to have to see your license and registration please, ma'am" He said.

I could almost see a blood vessel pop in Mom's forehead. '_That guy's doomed'_, I wanted to laugh out loud. He was basically quaking in rage. Ten seconds passed before the officer repeated himself. Then Mom blew up. Ah one of his famous temper tantrums. I'm afraid I can't put _everything_ he said, because then this would get itself a nice little M rating, but here's a hint;

"I'M NOT A *********** LADY! I'M A *********** MAN AND IF YOU SAY THAT AGAIN I WILL RIP OFF YOUR ************ LEGS AND STICK THEM TO YOUR HEAD YOU ************** *********!** I *********** LEFT MY BOYFRIEND TIED UP IN A *********** CHAIR AT HOME AND I REALLY NEED TO GET BACK FAST OR I'M NOT GETTING *********** LAID TONIGHT ********!** NOW GET THE ******** AWAY FROM MY CAR BEFORE I SHOOT YOUR *********** BRAINS OUT OF YOUR *********** HEAD!"

Isn't that lovely? And that wasn't even a third of it. Add in all of the other numerous swear words and threats, and we had the police officer in so much shock that he let us off with a warning and stumbled back to the police car in a daze. And I could've sworn that some of the other cars even stopped for a second to hear what Mom had been saying.

"Nice one there…" I chuckled as we resumed speeding to the apartments. We only had another couple blocks to go, and we'd made it there in record time. Mom was just a blond blur as he dashed up the stairs, swearing loudly when the key refused to go in the lock. I took that chance to actually catch up to him after grabbing all of the food, and as soon as I got to his side, the door finally opened. We darted inside and to the living room to find something extremely surprising.

**_ABRUPT COMMERCIAL BREAK! XD_**

_Lol, this is L, stuck in a well, so bitch, go to hell**. **_

**_ABRUPT COMMERCIAL BREAK OVER! XD_**

The chair we had tied him to was sitting in the middle of the room, all of the duct tape still around it, but there was something missing. And by something missing, I mean that Dad wasn't _in_ that duct tape. It was just lying there limply as if it's occupant had just disappeared into thin air. And Dad was sitting there lazily on the couch, playing a videogame and smoking a cigarette.

"It's Houdini's fucking reincarnate…" I mumbled to myself as Mom's eye twitched.

"What… where… how…?" He couldn't finish any of those questions.

Dad didn't even look up from his PSP. "Got off of the chair and took the tape off ten minutes after you left, went and found all my cigarettes in that box in the dumpster, and as for how I did it all, that's gonna stay a secret sweetheart. Did you get dinner?" He asked, leaving us dumbstruck.

Fifteen minutes later, we were all sitting around the living room, eating tacos and watching America's Funniest Home Videos. Mom says that he and Dad grew up in England. I can't remember so well, but I think that I was born in France. I only lived there a few years before my parents died though, so I don't remember much of it. Just most of the orphanages I went to before one of the families that adopted me moved me to America and dropped me off at another orphanage in the US about a month later. I think that was the family that I pretended that I could see ghosts and say that they would torture me and tell them that the 'ghosts' said that they were going to make me burn down the house. It doesn't seem all that funny to most people, but it was hilarious as hell when the mother, Tracy, I think, called the local orphanage telling them that I was the most "Ungodly demon child who'd ever stepped foot in her house before, and that I needed to be sent to an asylum straight away". But after one interview with the people at the wacky shack, they decided I was a 'normal child' and just sent me to the orphanage.

In the middle of an 'exploding snowman' montage, the phone rang. I was closest, so I picked it up.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Hello, this is Linda, is Matt there?" A female voice said at the other end.

I blinked. "Hold on." I covered the receiver. "Daddy! It's your stalker!" I whispered just loud enough for him to hear. It was true, unfortunately. This crazy girl Linda had supposedly gone to the same 'genius kids' orphanage as Mom, Dad, and Uncle Near and fell in love with Dad despite his obvious gayness. And apparently, Uncle L's butler founded the orphanage, now that I'm remembering it. I wonder how Linda even got there? She's as dumb as a sack of hammers. In fact, I think that sack of hammers has fifty times the IQ as her.

"Tell her I'm not here." Dad said, eyes wide.

I put the phone back up to my ear. "Yeah, he's visiting a friend and he's not home." I said.

"Liar, I can see him through the window." I could almost hear the glare she most likely had on. I turned around and saw her hanging out on the balcony ledge, her eyes fixed on the redhead. I swore quietly and hung up.

"DAD! She's watching you again!" I yelled as I ran across the room, picking up the purple MegaBlaster Squirt Gun (Which looked like a bazooka or something) that we had kept specifically for this purpose and opening the sliding glass door, aiming it at the brunette and cackling maniacally. "FALL BITCH! FALL TO YOUR _DEATH_!" I hollered, soaking her with just about ten gallons of freezing water.

"Nooooooo!" She screeched, trying to cling onto the balcony rail. But she fell. And unfortunately, she fell onto a stack of old broken mattresses, standing up unscathed. Damn. "YOU WILL BE MINE MATT!" She shouted up at us as Mom and Dad came to see what the hell had happened.

"Give it up psycho-bitch! He'll never love you!" Mom yelled at her, laughing the whole time.

Linda brushed the dirt off her shoulders and waved at Matt like a shy schoolgirl and mouthed, "Call me" before she ran off without a trace.

Matt shuddered. "Now that's creepy…" He muttered, putting an arm around both Mom and I and walking back into the house.

* * *

**Wow. Cute ending to the chapter, doncha think? And don't worry, it's not ending here. I've still got a long ways to go… *Sigh***

**And I don't really have anything against Linda, I just couldn't think of anyone who'd stalk Matt (who's actually in the anime. I know there'd be a **_**lot**_** of Matt stalkers out there…) And as for the 5 to last paragraph and all the way down, I was laughing insanely as I was writing it. I can totally image Rikay yelling "FALL BITCH! FALL TO YOUR **_**DEATH**_**!"**

**I spent 3 and a half hours working on this. And for everyone who's read my story Confuzzling Luffles, I'm going to post the third chapter of that very soon, so be on the lookout! Anyway, reviews please! Those are all I'm really looking for to keep me motivated to keep going these days, to tell you the truth. So please, let me continue living. Review.**


	4. Sorry, AUTHORS NOTE

Sorry if I got any of you excited thinking I actually updated for once. ^-^"

HAHA! You guys thought I abandoned this baby, didn't you! Well, so did I. The plot bunny that bit me for it kinda died in a corner after being neglected for too long. ^-^" But fear not, I have found an heir to said plot bunny, and thus this fanfic shall continue! If I get any reviews begging me to, that is. I'm still in the process of trying to write it. :D  
Eh heh heh... yeah... eventually... I just need some motivation. Just please don't give me any death threats.

Anyway, sorry for the author's note, I'll have the next chapter up _eventually_. :3


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